Radio Semi-Silent

I wrote this post yesterday when I was really upset. I decided to wait 24 hours to see if I still wanted to post it. I do. So, here it goes:

I am simmering right now. Boiling. Negative emotions are flaring up and “bursting” in the cauldron that is my mind and have been for some time.

Since I don’t want this blog to turn into a rant, I’ve found myself journaling, talking to friends, and just searching for the beautiful moments.

They are few and far between. My beautiful moment right now includes reading The Hunger Games  trilogy.

The situation here is ridiculous. There’s  no dialogue, only ideology. There’s no conversation, just barricades. No loud calls for reason, just “sacrifice.” The women who used to pray the rosary at my building’s steps and then drink are now just drinking.

When I walk past the garbage piled high in the street and the concrete blockades I wonder who’s going to “sacrifice” and remove those when there’s no water, no gas to light the stoves, and no food on the shelves.

Is a movement still peaceful when people on both sides have been gunned down? I understand Malcolm X, but even he turned to peace towards the end.

I have to agree with some of my peers when they said some of the protestors are holding the rest of us hostage. Garbage men picked up a little bit of trash, but it’s a blessing that rats have not infested the area.

There are dummies hanging from street lights telling people if they want to pass bring a doctor’s note. Mind you, no one was manning the barricade to help someone get through in case there was an actual emergency.

I want to pass because I have bills to pay. Are the independently wealthy people who are erecting these barricades thinking of that? Are they thinking of those of us who get paid by the hour or by the day when our place of employment is closed for weeks on end?

I’ve lived on a daily “salary” before and it’s not fun. Each snow day in NYC was a day I didn’t get paid. Each time I got sick and couldn’t go to work was a day I didn’t get paid. Each time my boss told me to stay home was a day I didn’t get paid. No pay = desperation.

Other parts of the city are protesting AND having open business because

people. need. to. work. period.

My school has gone completely online because of the unrest. Then, some troubling incidents occurred. I’m not impressed with the official and unofficial responses, I’m not impressed with the blockades, and I’m just not impressed. I’m pissed.

I’m here for now, but me and Jesus (not Jesus and I, me and Jesus) have some long talks ahead of us about what my next steps should be.

In the meantime, I’ve decided to go radio semi-silent. I don’t want to rant, rant, rant from now until June. There’s more to life than that. Thus, I’ll definitely keep writing (I’ve loved the blogging experience), but if there’s a delay between my posts you’ll know why.


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